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The New York Times Issue 5
The New York Times, Issue Five 11th October This issue will be dedicated to the New York Times co-founder, Eragon, a tragic loss to our community and to the only Don in living memory Puck, two great men. 'THE END' By Jake Roberts Once one of the communities most respected families, now simply a bunch over ranked randoms, that is the opinion which has suddenly spread through our community over ASDA. For too long they have played the innocence card regardless of any even and now they seem to be exposing their true colours. Over the past week ASDA’s Bugsy Seigel, Clamps and Bertone had been accredited with the kidnapping and robbing of almost any visitor to the west coast according to claims from the community, claims that were only ignored due to the standing in community that ASDA once had. Any respect the people had for them now though, has simply vanished. Tonight in a seemingly unprovoked attack Bugsy Seigel killed Puck, a man who had more respect throughout the community than god himself. Over the past week or so it had become apparent that this West Coast family had been up to something, between the kidnappings and the recruitment of Santoro followed by Santoro’s request to all he knew asking for aid with regards to bg’s, bullets and guns, it was clear they had been planning something, this however could not have been predicted. Over the course of the evening Bugsy also made an attack against the Chicago Crime syndicate, Tanzini when he made several failed attempts to kidnap a family favourite who goes by the name of Coochie. The New York times hopes for the public safety that they will now stay indoors for the coming days as we wait and see the outcome of this bloody nights attacks. 'SAD LOSS AT THE NEW YORK TIMES' by Witch In a tragic turn of events early this morning Oct 10th, one of the editors for the New York Times was shot and pronounced dead on arrival at hospital after suffering a fatal wound. Eragon, one of the founders and co editor of the paper will be sadly missed and it is hoped his son will be arriving on the shores some time later today and will take over from him in this role. Exact details of the death are unclear at this time, but it was believed to have been a prank gone wrong. A spot of friendly mugging is rumoured to have taken place with a gun going off by accident. The funeral was attended by many and a few mourners were heard to complain that a lot of money had been lost as a result of this death. Details as yet have not been released. Our condolences to the family and RIP Eragon. 'CHICAGO BANK ROBBERY' by Dwayne Johnson At a quarter past three yesterday afternoon, people were shocked to a well known man of the community tONYB rob Chicago’s bank. The bold raid was seemingly had no initial moments and there were hopes at the time that the money of the people would be returned to them as almost $200,000,000 was believed to have been stolen. Police as of yet have found no real motive and there has been speculation linking this robbery and last weeks local bank’s robberies to the national state of emergency at the weekend which was believed to have happened due to the large percentage of the nations wealth which was held by the criminal element of this country. 'NEW GAMLING LEGISLATION ' The government has issued new legislation regarding gambling, from now on no bet of a value greater than $2500 shall be permitted to be placed. More to come as soon as it’s available 'FINAL WORDS OF A DON' *'we would like to thank Puck’s daughter for allowing us to print these words.* My dear, if you're reading this now, then it means I've met my eventual fate. Such is life with the mafia, forever a roundabout of emotions and death. I cannot say who will kill me, time will tell. I don't care, in all honesty. I grow older each day, my patience wears thin, my moral ever dwindling so I won't reflect too much about what I have to lose and more of what I'm proud of. In all my life, never have I been so proud of a bunch of people, never have I felt so honoured to have such friends working with me. Though we've had our rough patches, and let’s be honest who hasn't, I couldn't have asked for a better group. To name them all would take far too long, and at my age, I'd probably forget 70% of them! Without them, I'd have got nowhere. Wouldn't have made anything of my life...I owe everything I have(had) to them all, thank you so much each and every one of you. One person has to get a separate mention...although she doesn't know it, she's the rock upon which I stand, the one who's been with me every step of the way from setting up HQ and right until now. She's forever dealing with my mess, sorting the family out and taking an awful lot of strain upon herself just to make my life easier. Aurora, much like her mother before her, I can't thank you enough. You're an absolute gem in this bog of a community and you never fully reach your potential. Without doubt, you deserve to achieve what I did and to go further. Finally, it's been a hell of a ride. Thank you to everyone...I hope one of my family line will return to these streets someday, probably pretty soon too I imagine, but I hope they remain low to the ground...this is quite enough for one bloodline....Hmmm, RIP to myself, thank you and goodnight. 'SHOCK DEMOTION FOR CAPO by Big Momma Early this afternoon of the 10th Oct A black car pulled up outside the town hall and a woman jumped out of the back, angry and disheveled she marched up the steps and turned to face the onlookers that were gathering. In the speech that followed she annouced how she was cheated out of her rank of Capo (soon to be Boss) and demoted to Made Woman. In an exclusive interview with her she said "Around lunch time I was out on the streets when I was approached by the Captain, offering to clear my rap sheet, which would make life slightly easier and help with my forthcoming promotion. So, I accepted his offer, paid my money, and he removed all my crime paperwork etc." "Whatever happened I am still not sure, either the captain has changed his methods and takes away some paperwork regarding your skills at the same time as removing your crime paperwork, or whether the government has changed the criteria for promotion, but my boss has been forbidden from promoting me beyond a Made Man at this time." She then went on to warn the onlookers of changing times and lessons to be learned before she mingled with the crowd. I caught up with her as she was chatting with members of the community and asked her what her final thoughts were on the matter. "well obviously I am disappointed and shocked to have come so far and have this happen. But time will tell what will happen next" Since this announcement and interview, it has been rumoured that the same sort of thing has been happening all over the country. More news will follow as it arrives. 'RETRACTION FROM THE GAZETTE' by Big Momma In an appauling announcement today The Mafia Gazette issued this following statement after wrongly accusing a innocent citizen of the crime of kidnapping. "In the previous issue the Gazette reported that Coochie had been one of the high-ranking members who had allegedly been kidnapping innocentcitizens. We apologise for this error. Mr Coochie was a citizen at the time of the majority of finger-pointing although still being blamed for some of the actions of other ranked members of society." I tracked down Coochie and asked him how this article had affected his life and he told me he has received a lot of hate mail and threats, not just for now but for in the future should he decide to leave citizenship. The thought has been placed in their minds now and he is a wanted man no matter what. At the end of the interview he issued this statement "I am just glad people are understanding it wasn't me killing all those innocent people. I have even left my own family to protect them from people attacking them because of the false rumors about me. To those who still want me dead, drop me a mail personally and we will shoot it out like men." We wish Coochie good luck. 'ART VENTURES' by Witch Yesterday saw the opening of a chain of art galleries throughout the country. Immediately members of the community started purchasing leases at a cost of 1 million for these properties and displaying their art work for sale. At the moment, availability of these properties is limited to one per person in on city of their choice. For the time being, viewing these galleries is by invitation only but hopefully in the future the government may allow for open browsing by the general public. This is an exciting breakthrough for the community, and hopefully more opportunities like this will arise. 'CAPTAIN, REAL OR IMPOSTER?' by Witch It would appear that the Captain has either been bought over by the cops or there is an imposter on the loose. People are being approached by someone claiming to be the captain and offering a clear of past crimes in return for money. However, instead of receiving the clean rap sheet, as they reach in their pockets for the cash, the Captain makes a sign and four cops jump out of the back of a van. Luckily most people have reported to have made a full getaway, although one man was later arrested for bribery. Extreme caution is advised when accepting any offers from the Captain. 'RESPECTS TO; ' Puck Don 2006-10-10 17:33 – Aurora :o :o :o Just :O (I'll think of something moving to say once the shock has passed) 2006-10-10 17:34 – VitoTaridelli Puck, You're a legend man. You were the perfect crew leader, a gentleman and a family guy. You of all people did not deserve to suffer such a fate. Its a shame people feel the need to whack our first Don. Thanks Bugsy you wanker. RIP fella 2006-10-10 17:39 - Baron_Von_Mannsechs Von Mannsechs walks forward slowly, his head bowed low as he approaches. "Puck, I don't know where to begin. You were a fantastic leader and a credit to our community. If anyone deserved to be Godfather it was you. I know you will be terribly missed by many. This is a terrible loss to our community. I pity those responsible for your death." "Puck, may you forever rest in peace" Von Mannsechs leaves a removable moustache beside his boss and steps back solemnly. 2006-10-10 17:54 – Witch *Sits by the edge of the grave and cries* I honestly don't know what to say. This is the saddest thing ever. We have both been a big part in the family that did this and fought and died for them. You did not deserve this and you are 100 times the person your killer could ever hope to be. At least we know you could have gone all the way. *Thows a red rose down on top of the coffin* RIP hun 2006-10-10 18:12 - Teh_Big_Kung THE greatest mafia boss this game has EVER or ever WILL see. and he was shot by an old friend... Puck shall go down in history as the best mafia boss in history October tenth is National Puck Remembrance day. we will celebrate it every year forever! RIP PUCK Eragon Earner 2006-10-10 14:41 - Gio-Pagliuca Rest in Peace One of my dearest and most trusted freinds has sadly fallen, this world will be forever darker in his absence. 2006-10-10 08:49 – Bell *lays a red rose* Why you go looking in peoples pockets??!!you wanna make me cwy is that it? well then, bravo, you winz! *sniffles* RIP 2006-10-10 12:24 - Truijen_Jiri *drops a tear* sad to see you go, Rest In Peace! -TJ'''-''' 'A NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: ' The editors of this particular edit would like to thank you all for reading it. This is just a pilot to cover issues whilst the gazette is gone but if it gains support it can swiftly become part of your daily lives. . If you would like to submit anything for a future paper mail Gio-Pagliuca. We are also paying 100k per article published, so any free lance journalists out there please send your articles to Gio.